5431553555897c13e33b04179f69e336

Do you ever catch yourself being the worst version of yourself?

Maybe you’re perpetually slacking off on responsibilities. Maybe you’re lacking motivation and putting things off. Maybe you’re tired and snapping at those around you. Maybe you’re gossiping or dwelling on negative feelings about others.

While I haven’t done all of those, I feel like this last month has not seen me at my best. I could make excuses, but the fact is that I wasn’t feeling great about myself and I let it leech into the rest of my life.

The older I get, the more I realize my confidence (and, more often than not, my happiness) is cyclical. I can go 3-6 months feeling like I’m on top of everything, only to suddenly wake up and “realize” that everything is wrong with me. Everything.

I’m not kind enough. I’m too selfish. I’m too fat. My hair is all wrong. I hate all my clothes. I’m stupid. I’m lazy. The apartment is a disaster. So-and-so is so much kinder/prettier/smarter/better than me.

Sooner or later, these doubts pile up to a crippling degree. And often times, in what I can only assume is an attempt to fight my way out of them, I end up fighting everything around me.

The trick is breaking the cycle, not simply realizing that I’m acting like a shrew. (Oh, did I mention turning into a bitter, angry harpy is another insecurity of mine? I hate the idea of being so cliche.) While it’s great to notice that I’m not being my best self, digging myself out of the whole is the hard part.

Snapping out of it isn’t always so easy, but I’m trying to get better at it. Sometimes it takes something as simple as a really tough workout or just checking out for a while and getting my hair done or something. Other times, I have to consciously refocus my mind and remind myself what I’m striving for and why.

Over the weekend, Joey and I were able to attend a special convention in Long Island for a series of Bible-based talks, plays, and presentations. One of the biggest themes of the convention was the idea of simplifying our lives so we can focus on what is more important, and that really resonated with me. Simplification has been a goal of mine for a while now (and it seems to be a big trend among a lot of the bloggers I follow as well), but this weekend gave me a lot of practical ideas for application that I’m looking forward to putting into action. You know I’m never happier than when I have a goal, right?

Over the next six months, I want to focus on clearing negativity and unnecessary burdens from my life — and in a weird way, this sense of purpose and focus is already making me feel better about a lot of insecurities that I have been feeling. It’s crazy how a little bit of perspective can help shake you out of a funk.

What do you do when you feel insecurities building up or changing the way you act? Any good simplification tips to pass along?

6 Responses to Taming of the shrew.

  • Kayla says:

    Yes to all of this! “While it’s great to notice that I’m not being my best self, digging myself out of the whole is the hard part.” YOU’RE STALKING MY THOUGHTS. But seriously, good stuff. Thanks for sharing. :)
    Kayla recently posted..how do you stay organized?My Profile

    • Justine Lorelle says:

      Haha I usually feel the same way after I read one of your posts — you totally get my angst!

  • Stacy says:

    I really needed to read this right now. And for the record: I take naps, which I don’t think is the best answer, but sometimes it’s the only answer!

    • Justine Lorelle says:

      I DO remember feeling generally calmer back when I used to take naps…you may be on to something.

  • Kristina Faye says:

    I go through a similar phenomenon at times. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is connected to being far too results-oriented (which, I’ve come to learn, is very different from being goal-oriented). It’s a trait of mine that was heavily rewarded in school and at work, but does not contribute to a sense of joy or contentedness. Trying to shift my focus (from destination to journey, from physical to spiritual) when I get into “results” mode really helps.

    • Justine Lorelle says:

      I think that’s a really insightful way of looking at it. I will try to think that way more, too!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *