Do you ever stop to think about the little things in your life that make you you?

I don’t. Or, at least, I didn’t used to. Which is funny to me because, as you’ve probably worked out by now, I’m a fairly introspective person. I think a lot about what I feel and why I feel it and what do I wish would have happened and why is that important to me and what does that say about me as a human being.

It can be exhausting.

But as much thought as I put into those things, it’s really not until I suddenly don’t feel like myself that I start to analyze who (or what) exactly I am.

For example, we moved a few weeks ago. (Yuck.) Not on the list of my favorite ways to spend a weekend, but the real worst part of moving to me is that your life is in complete disorder for at least a couple of weeks. Clothes are in random boxes in random rooms, dishes are buried under boxes of towels, and the thought of cooking at home (and thereby increasing the already overwhelming mess) is enough to induce tears. (Or maybe that’s just me?)

So for a few weeks, you wear boring outfits because God only knows where your accessories (or even your favorite jeans) are. And you eat takeout for every meal until your Seamless delivery guy starts to call you by name. And you shuffle and sidle around boxes so much you almost forget what it’s like to walk in a straight line through your own dang living room.

Hypothetically, of course.

Of course, I know that these things bother me, but it wasn’t until this weekend that I really started to analyze why. It wasn’t until I finally cleared away the majority of the boxes, set up our kitchen, and organized my clothes. When Joey and I had finally blocked off the living room and tossed the mound of cardboard molding on our patio. And suddenly…we could actually live in our apartment.

And immediately I started to feel more like myself.

Which…is weird? Because it’s not like you ever stop being yourself. But I had stopped being me in the way I define it. As someone who stays very organized. Who plans their outfits and puts some effort into their hair. Who can make their own breakfast before leaving the house. Who can walk from the kitchen to the bathroom without risking life and limb.

And maybe these are silly, surface things. So maybe I’m a silly, surface person. (See what I mean about the dangers of introspection?)

Now, I’m of course being a bit dramatic here. When I say “what defines me,” I am perfectly aware that there are myriad other things that make up who I am besides the fact that I appreciate a well ordered linen closet and shoes that perfectly mismatch with an outfit. But there’s something to be said for how having those things makes me feel — about my life and myself.

Which made me wonder…what are your things that make up you? Look at it like a desert island game: If you could only have five things every day to make you feel human, what would they be?

Judgment-free zone — there’s no way your list is shallower than a 1-inch curling iron.

2 Responses to More like myself.

  • Rachana says:

    5 things..hmm…I’d need my Kindle (which has most of the books I read), (at the risk of sounding shallow..) my laptop, notebook, pen(s) and a pencil with eraser. I guess the books I read or the stories I write don’t really define me but most of the people who know me, usually also know I love to read and write. And without doing either of those activities every day (in some way or the other) I guess I wouldn’t really feel like myself.

    http://scribblingmyexistence.wordpress.com

  • Becca says:

    I’ve been thinking about this post for awhile now. And, as much as I hate to be superficial, the truth is that I am. I feel most like myself when I have a manicure, a freshly waxed unibrow and (gasp) mustache, my hair is did, and I’m wearing clothes I like and not just whatever is the last clean man standing in the closet. So I think that my five would include: dark gray nail polish, tweezers, a comb, laundry detergent, and my Kindle. I’m not an animal.

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