I’ve never been a big fan of confrontation.
Honestly, my first instinct is to passive aggression. I’ll make a “joke” or simply avoid the issue. Not exactly the best way to resolve anything, ya know?
I’ve gotten a bit better as I’ve gotten older. I recently had the revelation that I would be much better at high school now. I know how to handle mean girls. I’ve learned how tenuous the line between a bully and a coward truly is, and how easy it is to send a bully running for the hills.
The main thing I’ve learned is to nip things in the bud. The moment you let tension sit, it starts to fester, and what could have been a simply cleared up misunderstanding turns into a full-on feud.
I’m pretty sure all of Romeo & Juliet could have been solved in one long chat over some wine had there been someone around to start a dialogue.
Other than that, stay calm, hear everyone out, and know when it’s time to move on. The fact is, you’re only in control of your own response — sometimes people prefer living in conflict. That doesn’t mean you have to join them.
So does my new understanding mean when something stressful or problematic arises, I dive head-first into the fray to solve the problem?
Well…not quite. But it is getting a bit easier to talk myself into taking a stand, especially when it comes to sticking up for myself or those I love. (Even if my hands are quietly shaking in my lap while I do.)
So spill: What’s your best conflict resolution tactic?
A while ago, I made a promise to stop apologizing for lags in posting. But I’m actually kind of embarrassed at how little dedication I’ve showed in the last month.
I mean, where are you guys supposed to turn for your half-hearted tutorials and weird anecdotes?
I think the only solution is to create a sort of calendar and hold myself to it. Due to the busyness of life lately, I feel like I can reasonably commit to two posts a week. The next few weekends are all fairly packed with activity, so hopefully that will elicit some material.
One project I want to work on? Decorating our bedroom.
I don’t know why the bedroom has continually proven to be so dang impossible to decorate for me. Part of it probably has to do with the fact that it’s usually doubling as a storage room. (Thank you very much, tiny NYC apartments.) But you think I could at least decide on a bedspread or something.
I’ve posted mood boards and inspiration photos of bedrooms in the past, but nothing has ever really come to fruition in a “I want to share photos of this room with the world” kind of way. It seems doable to get this done before the end of the year, though, right?
So between that, a half marathon in Philly in two weeks, TWO visits to see my family this month, and a (super secret) upcoming blogger collaboration I’m taking part in, I should be able to crank out 16 posts before the end of 2013.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m in a little bit of a holding pattern.
I mean, everything is good. There’s just not that much going on.
Work is fine. Everything with Joey and me is good. Life is pretty much business as usual.
So why aren’t I completely at peace with that?
I’ve mentioned before how I have problems being content. I’m an achiever, so if I’m not striving toward some goal, I think I feel a little lost. Like I don’t have a direction. I’ve never been very good at coasting.
Which is why (I assume) whenever I get too comfortable with anything, or feel like it’s not that much of a challenge anymore, I get a little restless.
And goodness knows I don’t have much to blog about when I’m overly content. Meaning you guys are the real victims here. (Right, guys?)
Fortunately, I think we’re just in a bit of a slow patch. In the next couple of months, I have a half marathon (my first in over a year!), I might be doing a tough mudder (more on that later), and I’m heading home to Iowa for the Thanksgiving break (could NOT be more excited). Hopefully those adventures will bring about a few interesting stories.
Maybe this is just a seasonal transition. Anyone else feeling a bit stuck-in-a-rut?
I’ve always been a bit of a bookworm. (A title I actually wear proudly…I never understood being embarrassed about being a bit of a nerd. Nerds win every time.)
When I was younger, I would actually read constantly, even as I was getting ready for school or walking down the sidewalk. My mom would get irritated as I appeared to dawdle, forever telling me to “put down the book and come on.”
Sassy child that I was, I would usually snap back something like, “Do you know how many parents would love to have a child they had to tell to stop reading?!”
My name is Justine, and I’ve been a sassafras since 1987.
Today, I read an average of a book a week. Two if I’m reading something particularly fluffy. I’m constantly on the hunt for what to read next (my Kindle and Amazon’s endless supply of easy-to-download material has been a blessing and a curse), so I thought I’d share a few of the books I’ve read recently in case anyone else is in the market.
In no particular order…
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? by Mindy Kaling
This one was on my list for a while. I’d loved Bossypants by Tina Fey, and everyone said this book had a similar feel. Plus, I’m always on board for a humorous memoir by a sort-of awkward gal I admire.
I thought this one was funny, but not quite the laugh-out-loud riot that Bossypants was. It’s also an insanely quick read, so don’t count on it to get you through more than a handful of subway rides. Still, I recommend it for something light.
The Silver Linings Playbook by Matthew Quick
I hadn’t seen the movie, but after all the fuss about this story line at the Oscars, I was curious. After reading it, I honestly can’t believe the movie will be better than the book. The characters are so vividly drawn, and the plot is both hilarious and heartrending at times. Highly recommend this one.
The Fault in Our Stars by John Green
This came as a recommendation from my friend Erin, a fellow lover of young adult lit. They’re making it into a movie next year, so I recommend getting it on your radar before then. Erin cites this as one of her favorite books, and while I didn’t have quite the same reaction to it, it is lovely and tragic in a way only YA can be (two teens with cancer meet in a support group and fall in love…the ending isn’t altogether unpredictable, but it’s also not corny in any way). Plus, I think it’s rare to find a male author who can capture the angst of being a teen girl well, and John really nails it.
The 5th Wave by Rick YanceyI hate playing favorites, but this is definitely one of the best books I’ve read this year. (And, like I said, I’ve read a lot.) It will appeal to the Hunger Games crowd (most of the story is told from the perspective of teens during an alien invasion that has devastated the planet), but it’s a smarter science fiction that readers who think themselves above the HG crowd will also appreciate (it’s a little more Ender’s Game, actually). The biggest selling point, though, is that it’s almost entirely unpredictable. I’m really difficult to shock in books (I mean, there are only so many plot lines out there, right?), and I genuinely did not know what to expect for most of this book. It’s just really, really enjoyable. It’s also going to be a trilogy — albeit the second book doesn’t even have a release date yet — so you’d be super cool to get in on this now.
The Ender’s Game Quintet by Orson Scott Card
Speaking of Ender’s Game, I also read this quintet this year. I’ve since discovered that there’s an almost inexhaustible amount of subsequent books exploring every facet of the series, but I feel pretty satisfied with the plot after reading these four books. The first one will always be my favorite, but if you’re a commit-er like me, you’ll want to read all four. Warning: If you don’t like science fiction, you won’t like these. No matter what anyone tells you, they are not really like Hunger Games at all except the first book has children waging a war.
The Selection/The Elite by Kiera Cass
Just so you don’t get the wrong idea that all I read is fancy-schmance science fiction books (and in the interest of honest, total disclosure), I feel it’s only fair to mention that I’ve also gotten into this soon-to-be trilogy. It’s basically a mix of The Hunger Games (sensing a pattern here?) and The Bachelor. Seriously. It’s not really a book series I brag about reading, but it was perfect for reading by the pool in Florida. If you want something mindless but entertaining, pick it up. The third book is out next year as well.
The Shining Girls by Lauren Beukes
Finally, let’s add a little mystery to my recommendations. I read this book because it was recommended by the author of Gone Girl, Gillian Flynn, on (I think) Glamour.com. It’s about a serial killer who is able to travel through time (you have to read to find out how), making it nearly impossible to catch him. One of his would-be victims survives, though, and becomes obsessed with catching her killer. The book is good, but it didn’t get my heart racing as much as I thought it would. An interesting take on an otherwise overdone plot, though.
I’m currently reading Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight (another Flynn rec on Glamour), but I don’t really want to say anything until I’ve finished. I’ll keep ya posted.
So what has everyone else been reading? Lord knows I need a few more download ideas.
I’m not sure if I’ve let blogging fall by the wayside, or if I just haven’t had as much to blog about.
To be fair, it’s not like I’m not doing anything. I rarely have a night where I just go home after work. But that’s usually because I’m going to the gym, and that just gets boring to talk about after a while.
I did go to my first yoga class in over a year this week (with the lovely Amanda of Slow Like Honey). I was a little apprehensive that I would make a fool of myself, flopping around on a damp mat having lost all my muscle memory.
I was pleased to find, though, that I didn’t feel too stupid too many times during the class. (I mean, it’s yoga, so if you don’t feel stupid at least once during class, you’re probably doing it wrong.) And I only had to wimp out of a pose once, so I guess I haven’t lost all my yogi skillz.
My favorite part of the class, though, was that it was also an excuse for Amanda and I to hang out. I want to start turning fitness into more of a social activity, whether it’s an Epic class with my coworker, Diana, or a run with my husband (though he has yet to actually make good on his offer to go with me…so I’m open to anyone else who wants to join).
This idea is also beneficial because it means I won’t have to wake up extra early to fit in a workout because I have plans after work. Win-WIN.
Do you usually work out alone? I used to always go with my friend Michelle when I lived in Iowa, but I became a more solitary creature after moving to New York.
I’ve debated writing this post for a while, which is something I find that I do whenever I want to write about something that makes me a little uncomfortable or that I think I won’t get a favorable response on.
Welp, guess you guys have liked me long enough anyway, right?
I want to talk about selfies.
Up until about a year or two ago, you probably had never even heard this word. I hadn’t. I mean, they existed. Every since the beginning of portraiture, mankind has been seemingly obsessed with capturing their own appearance. (Don’t believe me? History don’t lie.)
There’s even a fairly fun trend in the art world of turning iconic photos into selfies. (I kind of love it.)
The point is, selfies are not actually a new thing. What is new (and especially poignant with the onslaught of social media, which gave millions of teenagers a platform on which to project their faces), is the sudden and sharp distaste for the genre.
I mean, I can’t lie — I get it. I get that it’s irritating to see someone post photo after photo of their own face. Like, what, you think we forgot what you look like? You’re just doing it to get compliments. It’s totally self-centered. Right?
Sometimes, I think that’s true. But I think there has to be more to it. Because, yeah, okay, I know a lot of people who are self-centered in general who post a lot of selfies. (It makes sense that so many teenagers, who are notoriously absorbed with their own lives and worlds, would be the biggest offenders.)
But I also know a lot of sweet, selfless, otherwise mild-mannered people who still post the occasional shot of themselves. (Usually with all the usual “eek #obligatoryselfie” disclaimers, of course.)
Heck, I’ve done it. I counted no fewer than 21 selfies on my Instagram account. And that’s not even counting the dozens of “half-face”, hair shots, and group photos I’ve uploaded in the last two years.
But, I mean, I also write a blog about my life, so clearly I don’t have that many qualms about showing you my face.
So why do we do it? Obviously, I have a theory. Two, actually.
The first is that a selfie is solid, near tangible way of marking a moment in time. This is me. On this day, at this moment. Here I am. I was.
It’s something you can point to and remember. Pine for or be glad is over. Selfies are a little peek into your history.
That’s one theory. The other theory is much simpler, and way less philosophical.
A selfie is a way of capturing a moment when you felt good about yourself. After all, most of us only post flattering selfies. I know when I do it, it’s sometimes a way of saying, “Look, you guys! I look pretty right now!”
And yes, that is a petty reason for doing something. But I also have a hard time judging someone else for feeling pretty. (And I try not to judge myself for feeling that way either.) There are too many reasons to feel ugly these days, and too many people perfectly willing to tear others down for the sake of some shallow feeling of superiority.
Whenever I feel myself getting annoyed at someone for posting too many photos of himself or herself, I try to remember that. I try to to be happy for them for feeling pretty. Proud of them, even.
So, yeah, a Facebook album titled “Me*!*!*!*!*!<3lol” packed with 30 photos you took in the mirror is annoying. But the occasional “Woooo new haircut!” post? I can deal.
You probably look pretty spectacular, anyway.