Out of Context

D: They gave me the wrong drink yet again. In a month, (1 month) they have never, ever gotten my drink right the first time.

I’m like THANKS! Not mad! Just not comin’ back.


Me: Bahaha


D: I mean, first world problems, for sure


Me: But still.

We deal with a lot.

This is all we ask.


D: Just want a no foam soy latte. That’s all.


Me: You want too much.


D: “Vanilla latte” comes up.


Nope, that not it.


Me: In the old country, you knew your place.


D: In Mother Russia, you make mistake, you no eat whole winter.


Me: In  Mother Russia, latte drink YOU.


D: You drink potato latte. Out of hollowed potato. And you like it.


Me: We make latte with potatoes and tears.


D: Potato spice latte: Two parts potato, one part despair.


Me: With a sprinkling of cinnamon.

“But seriously, there’s a pig slaughtering plant down the road, so apparently once or twice a month it’s just awful. And i picked that over constant Quaker Oats smell…which is apparently always awful except on crunch berry days.”


“We should make a pregnancy pact. Think how fun that would be! …Or not.  It might be weird. …Or awesome. I would make Susie Jr. be best friends with Justiney Jr.”


“I’m thinking about getting into archery, but it’s so expensive.”


*sigh* a teacher sent this email:
“Good morning guys,

The printer in my office is low on toner and is not printing good.

[named removed to protect the poor at grammar]”

It’s printing bad things, Joey.
Pictures of wars and rapists.

well, say that..

what KIND of teacher?

responsible for raising and training our youths!
…Math, but STILL!


I’m rubbing off on him so nicely, aren’t I?

Annie: I’m doing video lectures right now
in FL I can kill ANYONE I don’t know that comes into my house
they don’t have to threaten me or anything

Me: wow

Annie: you’re in my house – dead

Me: hahaha

Annie: OR my car!

Me: well, not ME. You know me.
I can barge in.

Annie: true

Me: yessss

Ann: well – if you unlawfully enter my home i could probs kill you

Me: good to know
no barging

Annie: seriously
I’m gonna do so much killin